poetry tiiiime

unimagineable
i want to give up
so i can have nothing to live for

but when i think of you
i just can't
i can see something in your eyes
something my life is living for
yet, i dont know what it is
but i will bet my life on it
trying to find out
because with you
i can laugh truely
i can talk, and scream
and yet you will listen

thank you

my boy lollipop

mihi ^-^

i think i will be alright.
i've got niclas so it should be fine :))
i like him.
he is so sweet ^^,


i want to sleep now, i'm tired. oyasumi nasai ^^

who am i?

i usually cover up my feelings
whenever something is really bad i usually manage to hold back the tears.
i don't like to speak of serious things, about what i feel and such.
so i don't.
i avoid it very much.

i've been crying everyday for a couple of days now.
which means= this is bad, really really bad.

i don't laugh much either.
i used to be laughing everyday, all the time, a laugh which made others happy.
now it's just a fake laugh, whenever it occurs.

the choice i'll never own

do you know how it feels like, when your back hurts so much as if there was a huge invissible rock on it?
or, how your throat aches all the time as if the swallowed stone got stuck on the way done?
how your eyes hurts so much as if they were going to fall out?
but the worst of it all, do you know how it hurts so much when your soul has totally fallen apart and is so broken?
these feelings i walk around with all the time.
it doesn't feel so good, i can tell you.

if i had the choice, i would never leave this room i'm sitting in. lying on my bed, crying 'til the sheets are all wet. never going to school, never meet anyone who can hurt me, never do anything that i wouldn't want to do.

but what am i talking about?
i know this never going to happen. no matter how much i want it to.

i hate myself.
i can't believe what i did to you, twice! i'm the most horrible person on earth!
i can't believe what i see in the mirror every morning..
i can't believe who i've become.

hmm

hmmm...

what am i afraid or?! damnit, i'm such a horrible person :s

happiness? ^-^

oke, we speak again. me and niclas, i mean :P
we are friends again! x333
omg, he is sooo sweet! ihihiih

i spent the whole day with him today :p *happiness*

but one thing.. when we had P.E, my girlsfriends were really cruel to me, at least that's my opinion.
well i'm sorry! but i didn't know that we were going downtown yesterday! don't give me that crap, when i talk to you it's like i've been lying to you and ditched you. that's not true. and besides i thought that you would understand in a situation like this. i definitly would if the same thing happened to you :o yesterday was the first day that niclas and i hung out after school, since before the summer vacation :o and they go like berserk and accuse me for something like that.
am i really your friend? it sure as hell doesn't seem like that, not my true friends :O

i have other friends too, but you are the ones i hang out with in school, i don't want to be like a loner who doesn't have any friends in school. i like you very much, but when you do things like this: team up against me and say "you ditch us for a guy?!" all of you, that's not very nice.
what have i ever done to you?! :O
well.. whatever. we can talk tomorrow about this in school.

ooohh my gosh, niclas said "you make me smile" to me before x3 and then i said "likewhise" and he laughed. omg, he is so cute iihh
and he said that i have cool eyes,
and he gave me his shirt because i thought it was a bit cold!
see? that's a keeper
i like him very much! <3

arigatou gozaimasu niclas-kun! ^^,


*whispering*' and fuck you others, you're not nice to me when i can't be of use for you

just a little something

This is just something i wrote, and i call it "The love for a vampire"

As she looked down into the glass of see through liquid, which held a yellowish tone, he slowly spoke to her. “As the dawn breaks the day, I will no longer exist in this world of humans.” She rose from her rigid form, steadily looking up. Careful not to look into his eyes, she decided to rest her eyes on the star filled sky.

“The day when you are not here, my soul will seek you for eternity.” She spoke to him, with a voice so wise and trustworthy, finally looking into his mesmerizing eyes.

Swallowing the liquid, she stepped forward and gave the inhuman being the last kiss they would ever share.

Dying in his kiss, she sank to the floor. Tears of blood slowly falling down her lifeless cheeks.

d*mn it

oke, i'm doing fine. but not so fine for real. my thoughts have been drawn towards Niclas
my ex best friend och almost boyfriend a little while ago.
although we haven't spoken for 3 months, and i feel terrible.
today i spoke to him but he seems to be sooooo mad at me.. and that breaks my heart, because now i know that i love him.
i love him
Niclas if you're reading this.. I LOVE YOU! so much..
i said sorry several times to you, but you still seem so be angry with me.
but i hope that time will do the rest, if you ever want to come back to me.

you said to me on the phone 3 months ago that you wanted a second chance when i felt better.
then.. TAKE IT! i feel better
take it, please...
if you still want it of course

just used?

am i just being used?
am i only their friend if i can give them things, download stuff for them, or follow them around like some damn slave?

i only write things here that comes from my heart. and the major thing now is:

I WANT TO DIE.

i wonder how others feel when they read this.
it's stupid, really.
i just wish i could disappear.

how am i supposed to know if they aren't just lying to me..?
if they aren't just playing some role?
are they honest?
are they really like this?
or is it me who is too nice?
too believing?
fooled by the world, to think it's something else?